Changing on the outside is one thing but the real change has been the change in my way of thinking and that of acceptance. I have accepted my circumstances. I am thankful that I survived and I will do what it takes to continue to the next day.
However, without warning my thoughts can go to my darkest moments. Sometimes I look at Mark and ask him if it really happened. I have been blind, crippled, frail, yet somehow always determined.
Doctors never gave me hope and yet I was hopeful. Each time I was told to prepare for death, I was confused. God has never indicated to me that I was dying. Even at my sickest, I felt the need to comfort my family because I did not expect to die. I prayed and toughed it out. I felt that was my only choice. I had hope.
What is life without hope?